ARE YOU A DUMBASS AT THE BALLPARK?

You want to have a good time at the baseball yard, and you should because you spent enough to be there. But, guess what… the park isn’t your own personal media room fitted with a 60 inch 4K LED screen, reclining chair plus foot stool, cup holders and snack trays.

Funny enough, you can’t do whatever you want. There’s proper etiquette and common courtesy to follow. Much of which should be obvious when sharing a space with 50,000 other people.

1. It’s possible that your neighbour isn’t interested in your own personal play-by-play of the game.

If so, they’d probably be at home watching the actual broadcast of the game on their TV . Engaging in casual, friendly conversation, commenting on great plays, cheering and clapping… good. Narrating events on the field like a know-it-all auctioneer… bad.

2. We’re not all going to be fans of the same team.

The least we can do is be civil sitting beside each other (unless of course you’re an obnoxious Yankee fan shoving the no.27 in my face). Then don’t be surprised if I throw you passive-aggressive stank eyes that Jose Bautista would be proud of.

3. Public restrooms are sometimes a dreaded necessity.

In a perfect world, I’d prefer to not use them. But, there are times when they bring welcome relief. If I have to use one, I’d like to think I’m not walking into porta potty, swamp hell. There’s no such thing as a polite mess. Try to leave it as clean as you found it… for the next person.

4. Don’t interfere with a live ball in play.

Which brings us to the next point…

5. Pay attention.

We all want to share the experience of being at the game on social media, but if you’re constantly looking down at your phone, you’re probably going to miss something special. Even worse, you may not be able to defend yourself from a ball being hit into the stands.

6. I know what it’s like to have long legs and them be cramped because I am sitting in an awkward position.

That doesn’t mean you should kick the back of the chair in front of you, in an effort to stretch them out. Get up and go for a walk. Ballpark concourses are full of interesting vantage points (and TV monitors) where you can stretch your legs and still watch the game.

7. Some people are just world class hecklers.

It’s their way of contributing to the action. But, keep it clean and tasteful. Crowds are getting younger and more diverse. There are a ton of kids and new fans around. Don’t be that guy.

8. If you’re one of those people who after every half inning is up out of their seat and off to the washroom, or on a beer run.

Be polite about it. Maybe don’t attempt to jump over someone’s legs. Give them an opportunity to stand up and clear a path for you to cozy on by.

9. The wave is free, but that doesn’t mean you should partake in it.

Sure, stand up with your arms raised above your head and mimic a wave pattern along with everyone in your section. Around and around the park it goes. Why did this ever become a thing? I wish something would come along to replace the wave. But, then we’d probably complain about the crowd doing that new thing. It’s not good baseball etiquette, but if you’re going to do it, don’t do it when the home team is pitching. Or in the late innings when the game is close. Or ever.

fan-throws-beer-can-at-orioles-kim

Mark Blinch | The Canadian Press

10. Don’t throw shit on the field.

Toronto, I’m talking to YOU. I know this pertains to a small minority of idiots, but it’s happening way to often and the stupidity has also found its way to basketball games and soccer matches. Be better humans. To that end…

11. If you can’t control your liquor consumption, is sitting up on the 5th deck watching a live baseball game really the best place for you to be?

Especially, when chucking beer down to field level is your idea of a good time. Maybe you and your media room need to spend more alone time together.

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